Taking the "fun" out of "fungi"

Shroom
Originally uploaded by icemakk.

My brother offered some pizza the other day, "Help yourself, there is lots!" He said.
I inquired if there were any mushrooms on it. He replied, "I think so, just pick them off if you don't like them."

Man I hate that phrase. Have you ever tried to pick out anything you don't like from pizza! Everything is melted into the cheeze? If you have anything that remotely resembles a slice of pizza after, you have either not got all of it or the thing was never cooked in the first place.

I declined his offer because I HATE mushrooms. I do not take this lightly. They are gross to me and are not a real food in my book since they come from a spore. Food starts from a seed or an egg like all other life forms we eat, but a spore...a SPORE?
I have seen enough sci-fi movies to have my doubts that a spore is even from this planet.
Mushrooms are members of the fungi family. Do you know what else is a fungi?
Athletes foot!
I am not eating anything related to a skin disease thank you very much.

A mushroom is one item that has no fence sitters. You either like them or you don't. I am in the don't category. I have yet to see anyone with a take it or leave it attitude on mushrooms. There is a clear vote on this for sure.

I have seen many shitty chefs try to act gourmet by sneaking these little spore, freaks into foods where they don't belong. STOP IT! Once, I even saw it in chicken soup!? What kind of idiot puts fungus in chicken soup? I will tell you, one that the alien spores already control, that's who!!

I think there should be a law that says the menu HAS to state whether an item contains slimy mushrooms.
Nothing is worse than waiting for your meal only to find that a grilled chicken sandwich was really a grilled chicken and mushroom sandwich, then having to send the tainted thing back.

And for all you cooks, stop sticking these slimey things in sauces unless you have a fungus free version too. Spaghetti sauce without mushrooms for the wiser of us...please!
Don't even try to pawn this stuff on me with the lame "Oh you can't even taste them in there."
Really? If they don't add to the taste...don't put them in there.

With their logic I should serve them some lasagna and say, oh there are a few boogers in there.
"I hate boogers!" many will say.
I will just smile and add, "Oh go on, I didn't put in many, you can't even taste them!"

One more thing, have you ever noticed that a mushroom looks a bit like a deformed penis with too large a head? Another reason for me to not put them in my mouth!

You know you had a boring day when all you can write about is how you despise mushrooms.
Ahhhh, Sundays!
:-)