Jet lag

Well I made it back from Australia and I am bagged out tired! The first leg of my trip, Melbourne to Perth, was fine and I managed to nap. Perth to Hong Kong (8 hrs) was killer as it was turbulant and I could not sleep. When I got to Hong Kong I found they had messed up my reservation for a sleeping room in the airport so I had to try and sleep on some of their relaxing lounge chairs. I would have slept if weren't for the ignorant asses they have working on clean up. Can't you people have a conversation without yelling????
Hong Kong to Vancouver was worse. I had an old Chinese guy behind me that I swear is the voice over for Fred Flinstone's snoring! This guy sawed logs almost the entire flight! I assume he was on knockout pills because no one sleeps that well on a plane.
To make things worse some fukwit across the aisle left his headphones turned up and left them on his lap while he snored away! He must have been on pills too because it did not seem to bother him. Have you ever sat next to someone with headphones on too high and hear that tiny screech emitting from them? Times that by 10 and that is what I put up with.

I was just getting comfortable and could spread out a bit as there was a small girl next to me that took up next to no room. Yay, the armrest was all mine! Just when I thought sleep would visit she gets the stomach flu and fills up 2 airsick bags. Now she wants to be closer to mom so big-ass dad replaces her and it is armrest fighting time. Sorry about your ribs ya ass, but it was mine first!

Too you munchkins that build airplanes and the cheap ass carriers that jam as many seats in as possible. Do you not know that people have gotten bigger over the years? (especially fat Americans!)? If you are wondering why the seat back is damged it is from us 6 foot 3 guys twisting and slamming around trying to get some degree of comfort in your upright torture chair. Be warned, a grumpy tall guy with lack of sleep is not worried if something gets broken on your plane.

Sleep did not come for me in that 12 hour leg, or at least no sleep more than 30 minutes. I arrived in Vancouver to switch planes ONE more time. Once clearing customs (no rubber glove treatment...phew!) I had the pleasure of spending the last leg with a good friend. Denise Ross, the Calgary Yuk Yuks club manager was on her way back after the U2 concert. Too bad the flight was just over an hour. We only managed to raid the bar trolly twice!

In the last few days I have had the most bizarre sleep patterns. I have found myself awake at 3 or 4 am, doing emails, as my body is still on Aussie time. I have yet to sleep for more than 4 hours straight!

Will I go through this again? HELL YEAH! I will just make sure I fly into Sydney or Melbourne next time and maybe splurge for one of the bigger seats.
Now I am in Ontario for a 4 week run of the YukYuks clubs. Last night's show was my first and despite the delirium of sleep deprivation, I rocked the house for 52 minutes!! At least that is what the other comics (Orson Payne and Cedric Newman) , staff and audience members said. I was in a fog....maybe it was a dream?? Naw, I am damn funny. Now what was it I said so I can do it again tonight??
Oh yeah it was ZZZzzzzz