The weather outside is fine, it is the crowds and seasonal shoppers that are frightful!
Why is it that some people seem to hole up in their houses all year to venture out only during the Christmas shopping season? Oblivious to the fact that a world of humans exist around them they drive (usually in a mini-van) to the mall with no real perception they are slowing traffic. Have you ever seen a driver soooo pathetic that you swear they WANTED to catch the red light, rather than make it on green?
Perhaps it is to catch their breathe and calm down..."Holy shit, I was almost up to the speed limit there..that was close!"
After they park they enter the mall with the same skills for shopping. Plodding along taking up the whole aisle, never keeping a straight course as they wander aimlessly to shop for...who the hell do these losers have to shop for anyway? You know the ones, you think you have their zig and zags figured out and then BAM! they move in front of you to block you. Now you have to walk as slow as the old people on Mr. Bean!
No more. Since there seems to be an NHL hockey lock out I say we take our hockey skills to the mall.
You have a goal, to get in and buy something and get out. That goal will represent the puck. If plodding boy (or gal...equality here afterall!) gets in your way. Slam them! Keep it legal, no elbows or cross checking.
If they get confrontational check first to see if you are near a foot locker, as you don't want the ref too see. If all is clear, drop the mitts and take em out! 5 for fighting and 2 for instigating. With the plodding sloth of a loser shopper out of the play, you will still make it out of the mall quicker.
Happy shopping!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment